


Mac Gets Homo Obsessive

by CodeGreen



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Competition, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Semi-Public Sex, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 12:03:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15485340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CodeGreen/pseuds/CodeGreen
Summary: "I have a reputation to keep, Charlie! So c’mon, roll over. Pop them pants off mister."Mac owes Charlie one orgasm, and doesn't like owing anyone anything.





	Mac Gets Homo Obsessive

**Philadelphia. Thursday. 3am.**

Mac tossed, a metal pole jammed against his back, the lone blanket barely covering his body. The entire gang turned their backs on him when he found out those dots were actually bed bugs and his place had to be bombed. Dennis had a girl over. Dee straight up wouldn’t answer her phone. Frank was out of town. He was down to Charlie and his shitty pullout couch.

Charlie met him downstairs with a trash bag and a lighter. Had Mac throw his clothes in it and set it on fire before he could come upstairs. Mac froze his ass off, lit the bag on fire, threw it into the alley behind Charlie’s crap-hole apartment, streaked upstairs and crawled under the covers next to Charlie, somehow already drooling and surrounded by cat food.

The metal pole dug into his back for hours. He rolled over again, finally waking Charlie. He opened one eye while Mac spun onto his side.

"Seriously? Quit turning."

"I can’t sleep, dude! Why is there so much cat food in your bed?"

Charlie rolled his eyes, Mac hadn’t listened to any of his instructions. He tried to ignore Mac’s tossing and huffing for another 20 minutes before he finally cracked.

Charlie abruptly plunged a hand into the covers, grazed Mac’s junk.

"Charlie! What the hell?"

"You’re not gonna fall asleep unless you do something to fix it and you’re too high-and-mighty to eat the cat food so -"

"You don’t even own a cat, Charlie!"

Charlie hadn’t let go, felt Mac grow in his hand, took the sign to keep going. Mac wordlessly relented, rolling onto his back and sliding closer to Charlie. Fine, whatever it takes. He had to get some sleep.

Charlie reached under the couch, fumbling in the dark for something and emerged with a tube. Mac heard the plastic top flip open and immediately felt Charlie’s cold hands return to him, now slick and figuring their way around Mac’s shaft. He pulled the covers down, didn’t say a word to Charlie. Let him explore a bit, starting from the head and working his way down, agonizingly slow, lower and lower. Until…

"Hey! Whoa-whoa-whoa what are you doing there?"

"You serious right now?" Charlie held onto Mac's dick like a joystick. "I’m mid squeezer and was about to give a little attention to the b-hole."

"Don’t call it that, Charlie. And just don’t. Do you like that?"

"Eh. I mean I don’t not like it. Like Easter."

"Well it’s not for me."

"Because it’s another holiday you had to visit your dad in prison?

"Not Easter, the butt stuff! Jesus."

Charlie loosened his grip. "Well do you want me to keep going or not?"

"Yes! Just. Keep it to the front half. Be a gentleman for once."

Mac laced his fingers behind his head and left Charlie to take care of his front half. It didn’t take long, Charlie had surprisingly nimble technique and wanted to get back to sleep. Mac erupted ropes onto his chest, hips bucking and teeth clenched. Charlie inelegantly wiped his hand on Mac’s side and rolled over.

Mac propped himself up on his side, incredulous.

"Hey, what the hell, get back here. It’s your turn."

"I don’t want a turn, Mac. I want to go to sleep."

"Ok, well I have a reputation to keep, Charlie! Mac Daddy doesn’t take someone to bed without getting them off."

"You didn’t take me to bed, you just showed up."

"Yeah, same thing. So c’mon, roll over. Pop them pants off mister."

"Yeah, not happening. Goodnight."

Mac was furious. Now it looked like he’d squelched on his half of deal. Not that there ever was a deal. But still. Somehow everyone would find out, get on his case about being selfish or lazy or something and make a huge deal of it. No fucking way.

Mac made a note to wake himself up in the middle of the night to surprise Charlie but was overtaken by sleep, Charlie had done the trick. He somehow managed to fall asleep despite the feral cats screeching in the alley, pawing at the remnants of the clothes he'd set on fire. By the time he woke up Charlie was gone.

The bar was empty the next afternoon, too early to open Paddy’s Pub to the public and none of the gang reporting to work yet. Dennis likely still with his date, Dee drunk or making YouTube videos while drunk. Either way. Mac started checking inventory when he heard him. Charlie, cleaning the bathrooms.

Operation pleasure revenge was back on track.

He walked into the doorway of the bathroom. Undid his belt and dropped his jeans around his ankle. Charlie looked up from the mop bucket, unprepared.

"Whaaaat the fuuuuck?"

"Yeah. It’s orange, Charlie! Because you jerked me off with bronzer and I thought it was lube. First – why do you have bronzer under your bed? Second – Now I gotta give you a weird one, too. Come on. Bathroom handy. Drop ‘em."

Mac hopped to the dispenser. Pumped soap onto his hands and rubbed them together.

Mac had finally gone insane. One night at Charlie’s had broken him. That was Charlie’s only explanation. He clearly didn’t understand that bronzer is the only safe alternative to tanning, which can kill you. And there was no way Charlie was getting jerked off in the bathroom by a dude with his orange weiner hanging out. He ran towards Mac, faked right and bolted left. Charlie scrambled out of the bathroom, yelling that Mac’s dick looked like ET’s thumb, and flipped the open sign over on the pub’s door.

For days, Mac stalked him. Trying to feel him up when he tended bar. Asking him to hang pictures high on the wall and then lunging at his dick. Suggesting the bartenders wear authentic Irish kilts. The more the obsession grew the more Charlie avoided him entirely, likely spreading unfair rumors. Mac had to stop him.

Charlie wasn’t in his apartment when Mac tried surprising him Saturday afternoon. Mac gave up, stashed the Fleshlight he’d bought in a nearby bush for later. He wandered over to the grocery store. If he wasn’t going to get his hands on Charlie then he might as well rub out one of his chores.

Mac spotted him. Charlie, bent down inspecting the expiration date of some banged up Danimals, basketball shorts clinging to his thin frame. Mac sucked on his fingers, sneaked up on him. Subtlety wasn't his style.

Mac leaned against him, plunged a hand down the back of his gym shorts. Charlie nearly jumped into the yogurt display, a singular loud expletive ringing out in the abandoned aisle as Mac pushed a digit into him. Mac put his left hand over Charlie’s mouth, his chest against Charlie’s back, gave him a moment to adjust to his thick index finger.

Mac scanned the aisle. No one was nearby. He shushed Charlie, pushed in a knuckle deeper. Charlie couldn’t stop himself from pushing back. Mac laughed. It suddenly didn’t feel like Charlie wanted him to stop. He pulled his hand off Charlie’s mouth. Who turned to look at him, wide eyed and gasping.

"Are you fucking crazy? We’re going to get arrested and -"

Mac slid a second finger into him. That shut him up.

He pushed his cock against Charlie’s ass cheek, surprised he’d instantly gotten hard, now threatening to leave a spot in his jeans.

He picked up his pace, sliding both fingers in and out of Charlie and stroked the front of his shorts with his free hand. Charlie’s breath was ragged and hushed. He was scared but he wasn’t saying stop. Mac leaned into his ear, bit at it. He was getting into it. He begged Charlie to relax, to let him know he was feeling good. Charlie caught his breath, nodded purposefully. It was all the encouragement he needed.

Mac spit in his hand again, slid back into him. Charlie's moan was loud this time. He put his hands up on the shelf, knocked over a brie wheel.

Mac’s brain had locked down on him, there was nothing else in the world. He wanted inside him suddenly. Wanted to split him in half.

Charlie pushed back against his fingers, back arched and hands gripping onto shelves. Mac spread his fingers apart, stretched Charlie’s hole gently. He wasn’t capable of speaking anymore. He buried a hand down the front of Charlie’s shorts, proud at how slick the fabric had become. Mac pistoned in and out of his hole furiously. A man turned the corner into the aisle, immediately turned around. Charlie was too lost in himself to notice.

Mac hooked his fingers a bit, searched for something. He felt Charlie shudder. He’d found it. He couldn’t last long now.

Charlie sucked in air. "Oh, jesus dude."

"That’s so fucking hot, Charlie. Two fingers in your boy puss-"

"Don’t call it that!"

"Sorry! Doing my best here. I don’t finger blast a lot of dudes in the Kroger."

Charlie laughed, Mac could feel it reverberate through his fingers. He turned back to the task his hand was in. Pushed his fingers in to the hilt, another hand gripped tightly around Charlie’s head. It was too much for him.

Charlie bit his lip to keep from yelling, fell backwards. His back pressed into Mac’s chest, Mac felt his entire body tense and convulse, two fingers squeezed in a steady pulse as Charlie emptied into his shorts. It seemed never ending, he sputtered over and over, would’ve collapsed if Mac hadn’t propped him up. Mac felt Charlie’s muscles clench his fingers, had never felt more powerful. He couldn’t fight the urge to get him home. Unconsciously kissed his shoulder.

Charlie reeled, finally pulled himself onto his feet and free of Mac’s roving hands. Tried to catch his breath.

Charlie looked up at him, knew exactly what was on Mac’s mind. Nodded. He grabbed a giant tray of cubed cheeses, held it over his ruined shorts as a shield.

"You’re buying this."

Mac nodded, eager. "To the self check out!"


End file.
